As I sit back and reflect where life has taken me over the past year, I'm astounded by all that has transpired, all that I've accomplished.
For years, over a decade, I felt like I was going crazy. Legitimately crazy. I had mood swings like a woman going through menapause, or one that is eight months pregnant and ready to get the ordeal over with. Don't get me wrong, I had my GREAT moments, moments where I felt to be on top of the world, but when that world came crashing down around me, I was incapable of handling it. Funny thing is: It was I who caused the distruction and chaos of the world that I lived in. Looking back, and reflecting on those many moments, I couldn't blame anybody but myself for the misery I lived in.
A year and a half ago a light went off and I realized that it wasn't the people around me that had the issue, and being honest with myself for the first time in my entire adult life, I realized I was the one with the issues and I needed to seek help for it.
I went online and searched the insurance website for a phsychologist in my area. I picked up the phone and began to dial. I probably left at least half a dozen messages, and by the end of my phone calling expedition, I realized I wouldn't get the answers I sought right away. But then, thirty minutes later, I got a phone call from one of the women I called. I calmly walked downstairs and outside of my office building so I could devote the time I needed in such a short conversation to spill all of my inside turmoils and nightmares to her. It took less than three minutes before she asked me if I was BiPolar. Of course, I knew of people who were BiPolar, but surely I couldn't be one of them, could I?
She refered me to a Phsychiatrist then we ended the phone call. I went back to my desk and started researching BiPolar Disorder and the different symptoms. Surely, I couldn't be BiPolar? The symptoms seemed all off, like they didn't quite fit. But, because I was hurting so bad, I was willing to try out this doctor and see what her medical opinion was.
Well, once we met, it didn't take long for her to diagnose me as having BiPolar Disorder. Looking back, and remembering all of the material I read up on, I realize how much in denial I was.
Since then, we've found the right dosage of medication, and I'm happily living my life with my husband by my side, and our two kids. Since then, I've grown in my writing (getting a book published) and am working on getting more published. I only wish more people would be as outspoken about it. Recently, a big actress came out that she has it, and it made me feel even more normal. One in four people are bipolar, they just go untreated. I'm lucky to be one of those ones that sought help, and conquered (and on a daily basis conquer) this disease.
I've embraced this side of me, it is a part of who I am, and I love it. I am Bipolar and PROUD.
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